More Jewishness

We celebrated Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) in my household yesterday. Celebrated? Is that the right word considering it’s supposed to be all about repenting one’s sins and what not? Well, whatever – I personally celebrated by taking a holiday from work.

Things one is supposed to do on Yom Kippur:

1.       Go to Temple for ninety million hours.

2.       Fast for an entire day (from sundown to sundown).

3.       And, well, eating kosher is recommended.

4.       As is feeling feelings of guilt and atonement so that you may earn God’s favor.

Things that I did on Yom Kippur:

1.       Took the day off from work

2.       Took a nap

3.       Went to the gym (which is like temple in that I felt dutifully punished)

4.       Broke my fast (except without the fasting) by eating ALL THE FOODS POSSIBLE. And by that I mean:

A bagel slathered with cream cheese (or should I say “smeared”), a piece of quiche, some entirely too delicious pate (I know it’s liver but I love it), hummus, Stacey’s Pita Chips (can I just take a minute to give Stacey a shout out for her pita chips? They are the best. Ever.), goat cheese, gouda cheese, cracker cheese, cream cheese (did I mention that one already) and, topping the whole thing off, two Rainbow cookies. Are they called rainbow cookies? The kind with the three layers and the jam in the middle and hot damn they are so delicious?

After I had finished consuming this monstrous pile of food I had to lie on the floor – on the FLOOR – and groan for a few hours because my god, my stomach. I looked like I had swallowed a beach ball and I felt like it too. Gross. On the other hand, if Yom Kippur is supposed to be a day of suffering, well then let me tell ya: how I suffered.

Also, today I am fasting again! Mostly because I’m not hungry yet; my body is still working through yesterday’s disaster-fest.  

But I’m sure I’ll be ravenously hungry by dinnertime. Or by 3:00pm. Or now. Good thing we have lots of leftover bagels!

Happy Jewish New Year!

Rosh Hashanah

So we just celebrated the Jewish New Year in my household. What, you say? I'm from New York AND I'm Jewish? This should come as a surprise to no one.

Here is a rundown of my day yesterday:

1. I woke up at 5:45am to complete the final leg of my journey home from Maine. I arrived in the city at 8:53am -- just in time for work!!!! Felt like a major trooper, and also wanted to die from being tired.
2. WORKED. Wow, where is my medal people? I earned it.
3. Left the office at 3:30pm so I could help my mom prepare the Rosh Hashanah feast.
4. Came home just in time for the Brisket Emergency 2012. For those who aren't in the know, Brisket is THE food of the Jewish Holidays. It's a necessity. But when I arrived home, we had two hours until the guests arrive and four hours left in the cooker. Made a fast decision to ditch the Brisket and go to the grocery store for ready-made food because... c'mon who were we kidding? We don't know how to cook. Let's stop the silliness while we're still ahead.
5. Bought four cooked chickens even though I told my mom at least six times that we would only need three chickens.
7. Cooked an abundance of sweet carrots that we will now be eating for the rest of our entire lives.
8. Other things we will be eating forever include: honey, challah, baked apples, and potatoes. But you know what they say!: if you don't have leftovers... you didn't cook enough food.
9. Ironed some napkins until they were crisp and wrinkle-free.
10. Set the table and laid out the appetizers and waited impatiently for our guests.
11. Spent time with my extended family, ringing in the New Year until I thought I would legitimately collapse from tired because HI! I've been awake since 5:45am! Perhaps you already knew that because I'm wearing my medal.
12. Happy 5773!!

13. ..... Anyone interested in coming over for some baked apple, chicken, potato, carrots, and honey on challah sandwiches? I hear they're the best.