The Gym

The gym is my fickle friend. Right now I am sitting on my bed, in my gym clothes, contemplating the long, five minute walk to my gym, and I'm wondering... Will I actually be able to make myself go today... or will the mental work out of trying to convince myself to go be exercise enough... ?

Leaning towards the second one.

I hate exercise. But I love the way I feel AFTER I exercise. It's such a dilemma. 35 endlessly long minutes, feeling like I want to die, or maybe that I am dying and this is what death feels like, and all I get for it afterwards is a seemingly short runner's high and that giddy "I can eat whatever I want" feeling.

AND THEN I EAT WHATEVER I WANT. I mean really, what was the point of going to the gym in the first place?

But yet there was a time, a long, long time ago, before I became a working girl, that I worked out a lot. Like, FIVE DAYS A WEEK a lot. It was a phase that I went through, I guess, I can't explain it. And you know, I was really fit. I like to look back on that time, that brief, golden age, and brag about it to all my friends. Because yeah. Yeah I could run six miles and barely break a sweat. Yeah I got my mile time down to under 7 minutes. Yeah, I was a beast. I. Was. A. Freaking. Beast.

My friends are like, "uhh, no one cares?"

But I have to brag because I think we all know I'll never see those days again. I even knew it at the time. I remember, almost exactly a year ago, going on a long and pleasantly pleasant run, and saying to myself, "Hey Jane? Enjoy this. This is the fittest you will ever be, you lazy, lazy couch potato."

And I was so right about myself. I mean, here I am a year later, couching it up. I couldn't run six miles right now if you paid me $1000. I couldn't run a seven minute mile without collapsing and possibly having a heart attack. It's sad, how far I've fallen. Very, very sad.

And that means I should go, right? To the gym? I should go right now and relive my former glory? I should push myself to the limit? I should feel the burn in my every limb?

I will, I've decided. I will go right now. I'm putting my shoes on. Or, ok, I will be putting my shoes on momentarily. As soon as I finish this post.

Ok. I'm going.

Now.

Right now.

OK BYE.







are you still there?