So I went going to the Union Square fair to buy Christmas
presents for my family, as I do. When I got to Union Square it was extremely
crowded, almost too crowded even for me. There was this guy standing on the
corner looking around the crowd in almost a searching/questing/questioning
manner, sort of slowly turning around in circles as though looking for someone
to help. As I passed him he said, “Is anyone here from New York?” So of course,
I immediately said, “Oh—I am!” Because from the way he was acting I assumed
that what he really needed was directions as he seemed lost.
Well it turns out he did NOT need directions, no. It turns
out he was a sales guy who was desperate to sell me a haircut. I have gotten
myself into this type of situation before, the type of situation in which
someone really wants to sell me something/pitch me something and what I should
say is, “Sorry not interested,” and quickly walk away like EVERY OTHER
PERSON ON THE PLANET. Except I don’t walk away quickly because I feel bad and
he just wants to tell me about this haircut and really is that too much to ask
that I give him five minutes of my time? So instead I sort of stayed and
listened to this guy (Quin) give his spiel for a minute. But then as I’m
standing there and he’s talking, I realize that I’m actually being very rude,
wasting his time when I don’t intend to purchase anything. That’s when the
panic starts to set in and I try to untangle myself from the situation only to
find that I’ve sunk way, way too deep into the hole.
Hmm. This has definitely happened before. Too many times.
So anyway, Quin starts really giving me the VERY hard sell.
He’s been working it for about ten minutes or more, while I’m getting
increasingly shifty and looking for an escape route. I start pulling out every
excuse in the book, and he starts pulling out every solution. First I tell him
that I don’t buy things on the street, to which he’s like "Oh but we use the
same card system that any of these vendors at the union square fair use it’s
totes legit.” And then I’m like “yeah but I really like to read reviews of
products before I buy them.” And he’s like "OH I can get reviews for you right
now on my phone see here they are, all of them fabulous.” And then I’m like “$70
is a lot of money for me, I’m quite poor." And he’s like “ok, make it $35.”
At that point, I gave up. I was like “Dude. You win. You are working so
hard. You got me. I will buy your $35 haircut.” And I did. As I got out my wallet, I told him
that the only reason I decided to buy is because he gave that
sell 110% and he just plain earned it.
Then after I paid, he was all “So, where are you from?? Not the city,
surely.” And I was all, “no, no. This is where I’m from.” and he said, “But
you’re so……. Nice….” (oh, you mean innocent and naïve and no actual New Yorker
would buy your stupid haircut? Yeah.) and I said “I know, I get that
a lot. But the high school I went to was two blocks east of here and the
apartment I grew up in is four blocks south of here.” He said, surprised, “So this
is actually your hood.” “Yup. This is my hood. I just turned out nice I guess.”
Grrrrrrrr.
But whatever. I am going to use this haircut. I made an appointment for this evening. And
also, $35 dollars for a haircut in New York is a legitimate good deal. So maybe
it was a win-win? I guess we will know tonight...
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