Punkin

Meet Humphrey: 

And isn't he just the handsomest pumpkin you ain't never seen?? 

As you can see, I did end up carving a pumpkin over the weekend. It was a very intricate process involving a multitude of steps. Firstly, my boyfriend and I set about the task of collecting all the necessary tools (namely every knife we own (just in case!!!) and a bowl). Then we took the pumpkin outside because... mess. We cut off his top, which was very much harder than it sounds as it required us to go around in a full circle, punching holes in his precious head. Also I am using the terms "we" and "us"very loosely here. But I made sure to hover just close enough to my boyfriend's carving hand that should the knife come out a little too hard, it would hit me right in the eye.

Then it was time for a pumpkin lobotomy! I made my boyfriend stand back while I had at that bad boy with a spoon. I whacked and scraped to my hearts content. I found this equal parts extremely enjoyable and extremely gross. Also I may have gotten a little bit carried away... To the point that boyfriend was like, "I think you're done."... "No, really, you've gotten everything." ... "Yup he's definitely good and dead now." ... "OK! Enough!"

Afterwards, I drew what I considered to be a pretty handsome face on our now very, very, exceptionally hollow pumpkin. And my boyfriend immediately proceeded to wipe it off and replace with his own (EERILY SIMILAR) face drawing. 

Then we, uhm, carved the pumpkin. Except by "we," I again mean that my primary role in all of this was to hover. But it was a role in which I definitely excelled! In this case, it involved a lot of hand wringing and getting my face a little too close and then jumping out of the way of an errant knife. Also a lot of "that cut didn't go all the way through... Wait! I think you went over the outline there a little bit... oh nooo, what did you do to his nose??" And my boyfriend would throw a look over his shoulder like, "How about you do it then, hmm?" That shut me right up. 

After we finished the carving I looked upon Humphrey with a mother's love and told him that he was just the purtiest, preshusest pumpkin in the whole wide world. I said to him, "Humphrey. You are beautiful. And don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." 

And my boyfriend said to me, "So uhm, what should we do with this bowl of pumpkin guts?... I was thinking we would just throw it in that tree pit over there."

I said, "Uhm, no. You can't throw an enormous bowl of pumpkin into a tree pit. That would be extremely conspicuous and probably also smelly. You must throw it in the garbage. Duh." 

Then I knew that if I didn't keep an eye on my boyfriend, he would try to throw the pumpkin in the pit while I wasn't paying attention. So I made sure to walk him all the way to the trashcan, and then open the trashcan, and then watch him turn that bowl upside down over the trashcan before I dared look away. 

Then we went back inside and set our pumpkin on the table where we could take many, many pictures of him and admire his glorious personage. And it was glorious.

Sigh. I love my pumpkin. I hope he lasts all the way until Halloween.