A Plague!

My boyfriend and my cousin are both currently suffering death by cold this week. Considering that pretty much sums up all the people I see on a regular basis… I think it’s safe to say that my future isn’t looking too bright.

Last night, as I lay in bed, struggling to find inner peace, while my boyfriend snorted and sniffled and blew his nose right next to me, all I could picture was my own impending doom.

Is that selfish? Would it be wrong to ask him to sleep on the couch? I mean… my health is critically important! I have to work at an office! With people! I can’t infect the people. It would be wrong to infect the people.

And that is also why my cousin is working from home today. She’s making the ultimate sacrifice.

But, lest we all fall into a pit of worry and despair, there is a cure for the common cold. And no, I don’t mean Whiskey (although I hear that that actually works as well). No, the answer to all our problems is – Duh duh duh!! – Kombucha! The Ancient Chinese fermented tea recipe currently making a comeback as the go-to beverage of the hippie peoples. (Here is even more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kombucha)

My patented Cold Cure includes 1 Mango Kombucha, and 1 Day in Bed Watching Crappy TV. Works. Like. A charm.

I told my cousin this super awesome Kombucha secret and instead of thanking me profusely she was all, “Ew. No. I can’t drink that.” Like, hello Jane? There are live bacteria in there and you can SEE them… floating…

And I said, “I promise, I wouldn’t lead you astray. Kombucha tastes great, kind of like… fruity beer. Except even more awesome then that.”

And she said, “yeah, well, it smells disgusting.”

Cousin? Who reads this blog?  Kombucha. Do it. I promise I am changing your life for the better. Kind of like that time you asked me what “quiche” was when we were kids and I told you that it was “like.. an egg pie..” and you said, very slowly and skeptically, “like… an… egg... pie…” and for some reason this made me laugh so hard that I spit diet soda all over the people at the table next to us...

And now quiche is one of your favorite foods! The end.

I told my boyfriend to get Kombucha. For both of us. ASAP. And he looked at me and sniffled so pathetically before nodding and saying, “OK.”

That, right there, is totally why I date him. Because he listens.