Things I Hate About New York

Before I go into this list, I must say that I consider New York to be a part of my family. Yes, I know it sounds strange to say, but I do. Thus, I can make fun of it, but I will defend it violently if anyone else does unless that other person is also from New York (and even then, I wouldn't push it). Ahem, now that I've gotten that out of the way, let us proceed to Some of the Things That Suck About my Hometown:

1. It smells. Not everywhere and not all the time, but every so often I'll be walking down the street all casual-like and I will be bowled over by the smell of sewage. It's bad. It's very bad. And then, in the next few feet, there will be a restaurant that smells delicious of roasting garlic and I will wonder how the two could possibly exist side by side.

2. Times Square. Whenever a friend of mine from somewhere else comes to the city and tells me they REALLY WANT TO GO TO TIMES SQUARE!!! I tell them they better plan to make the visit without me because I hate that place. Hate. Firstly, there are too many people there and they all need to get the hell out of my way. Secondly, it is full of all the cheesy and terrible restaurants you can expect to find anywhere else in the country. Like Applebee's. And Olive Garden. So, if you're a tourist and you go there to eat, you might as well have stayed home. That's all I'm saying.

3. More about Times Square and how terrible it is. I hate people who come to New York to go to Times Square and then tell me that they can't imagine living in New York. Uhh, yeah. If all of New York was just like Times Square, I couldn't possibly imagine living here either. It would be a nightmare.

4. That said, New York is pretty crowded everywhere and it's kind of a bummer. On the one hand, I guess that's also part of what makes it such an exciting and interesting place to live. On the other hand, the number of people I bump into daily, who block my path on the street, who turn around to give me a look of complete disdain when I say, "excuse me..."... Well, let's just say it's enough to make one hate people.

5. Lastly, our Thai food is terrible. I don't get this. New York is a hub of culture and cuisine. Our Italian food is better than what you can get in Italy (in my humble opinion...). The Mexican food place I always order from never ceases to blow my mind with how awesome it is. Same with Indian food, Japanese food, Ethiopian food, American food... etc. So how come I got better Thai food in The Middle of Serious Nowhere, Maine than I can here? This is a tragedy.

6. Someone who reads this should open an awesome Thai food place and become a millionaire. Seriously, do it. Thousands of people will thank you.

The end.