Do It Afraid

The night before she left for a semester abroad, one of my closest college friends confessed to me that she was terrified. 

This was extremely refreshing for me to hear because ... well, I never went abroad (I know, I know, I know. stupid. stupid. stupid), but all I ever heard from my other friends was how excited they were to go, and so thrilled, and they just knew they would have the best time ever, and it was definitely going to change their life(s) and bladdity bleeh blah. Only ONE of (all) my friends was willing to admit that, "yeah it's all those things... but it's also scary. Very, very scary. Like, ok, I do think it will be great, but it is also a complete unknown." 

To which I reply: uhm yeah it's scary! Leave all your friends? Go to a different school? Live in a foreign culture?.... I'd be terrified!*

But then she said to me, "But the thing is... People tell me all the time that there's no reason to be afraid and I should let go of my fear... and, well, I can't. I know I won't. So I have to learn how to leave with the fear. I have to figure out how to do it afraid." 

And I was like, "Oh hell yeah, I know what you mean." Sometimes you hear something that just sticks with you, ya know? 

She said this to me about a year and a half ago, but I think about it all. the. time. Especially now that I'm babysteps into adulthood. Because, uhm, it is terrifying to become an adult. No one tells you that it will be so terrifying. 

I remember thinking of her words the day I graduated from college. I told them to myself the day I went to my first ever job interview, positively shaking with terror in front of the bathroom mirror. And then again on the first day of my first job, where I still work, when I had to rapidly get over my phone phobia by getting myself to Be Like Nike and Just. Do. It. Pick up the receiver, talk to the peoples, try to sound like someone who can speak English in any sort of coherent way. Try not to be blabbering idiot, if such a thing is possible.

But then, I remind myself, the thing is: As long as I DID it -- as long as I managed to pick up the phone -- it doesn't really matter if I blabbered and was an idiot.... Really, it's OK. After all, the phone rings like, only ten thousand times a day and I will have (many, many, multiple) opportunities to do it all again. 

And next time? It will seem a little bit less scary. I promise.

* Just to clarify:, the reason I didn't go abroad is not because I was too chicken. It's because I am a REBEL, ok?? Obviously.