Saturday, September 22, 2012

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Truth be told, even though I live in New York City, I am a Manhattan girl and I don't get out to Brooklyn much... Ok, I don't get out to Brooklyn ever.... It's a long trip! I'm too lazy for this silly business.

But, unfortunately for me, Brooklyn is THE place to be for kids my age (20s). A lot of people I know are either moving out there or already living there or just hanging out there on the weekends for kicks. Honestly, I don't know why, but I hear it's awesome and I should really try it. I've been feeling this particular pressure lately, now that I'm considering possibly, maybe, eventually actually moving OUT of my parents' home and attempting to live on my own. I know, right? Have I gone crazy? And the thing is.... if and when I do this "moving out," will I actually be able to stay in Manhattan? Because it may or may not have come to my attention that Manhattan is freaking expensive/ridiculously overpriced/totally and completely unaffordable for your average 23 year old person.

Basically what I'm saying is... my number is up. I'll probably have to move to Brooklyn. And I should probably get used to the idea while it's still only a vague, half-formed concept. So, in an effort to familiarize myself with the place, I decided I should get over there for a visit.... Except this is pretty much how that conversation goes down every weekend:

Me: Alright, let's do this! Brooklyn, man! Yeah! Get pumped!

Me:..... Well, ok. Right after I eat this bagel. And then I have to digest for at least 45 minutes. Because I don't want to give myself a cramp walking to the subway. Obviously.

Me: OK! It's been, like, an hour and a half! My bagel is probably digested!! I think it's THE TIME!

Me: .... But first I should read the NY Post and find out why that guy jumped into the Tiger enclosure at the Bronx Zoo. Because what? Is he a lunatic? Was he surprised when the tiger chewed his foot clean off? Inquiring minds need to know.

Boyfriend: I'm ready to go to Brooklyn! C'mon, c'mon!

Me: *drags feet, feels inexplicable weight of dread* Well uhm... the thing is... no. I can't. It's so far and the subways run slow on the weekends and just... no. Ok? I will go next weekend, OK? I totally, totally promise. This time, for real. Unlike last weekend.

Boyfriend: OK. I guess we can spend this beautiful Saturday sitting inside, reading, and taking naps. Just like we did last Saturday. And I will try not to resent you and think you are a lazy bum but it will be a challenge.

Unfortunately, this weekend, boyfriend was having none of it. When I explained to him the thing about the subway and the length of time that it takes to get to Brooklyn and didn't he just see that this was an enormous, insurmontable obstacle -- well, he told me he would drive me to Brooklyn if he had to. So we drove.

And then we sat in traffic in Manhattan for an ungodly length of time because THE PEOPLE. All the people in THE WORLD/New York were out and about, either meandering slowly across the street or riding their bike right in front of our car. It was unreal. And my boyfriend says, "I hope you didn't think that driving would SAVE us time, even if it SEEMED more convenient."

But, anyway, we got to Brooklyn eventually. And we saw the sights. ALL of the sights. Oh, I'm sorry, were you hoping for more of a narrative than that? Well, here it is:

My boyfriend is like "Brooklyn is the best! Cutting Edge! Counter-culture! Authentic cultural cuisines! Artisanal cheeses and meats! Plus Brooklyn is actually somewhat affordable and we can have, like, space! Lots and lots of space! Let's move there right away."

I'm like "....... or ..... We can have 400 square feet of our very own in Manhattan! Perhaps we could even have enough room for BOTH a couch and a bed! Yes! Perfect! I'll find you artisanal cheese in Manhattan! Because, my God, I can't quit you, Manhattan!"

Also, have I mentioned that Brooklyn is far? Because it is so freaking far.

..... Maybe I will just live with my parents forever and ever.

Ahem.

I took exactly two photos from my travels today:



Tiny, funny Brooklyn car. Car, you are awesome and hilarious. Also very cutting-edge.



This is a bakery where I bought a pie for 38 dollars. THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS. I'm sorry, what? Is it made with molten gold? have they lost their damn minds?...? 




Here is said overpriced pie.

Oh pie, I am so, so sorry. How I underestimated you. You were worth every, single penny.


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